I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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