dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
