how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
