Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
