for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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