Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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