A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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