is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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