2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
