i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
