My room smells like vodka and shame
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I intend to get homeless drunk
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
