Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
