he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
