the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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