Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
