peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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