so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
