I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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