2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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