singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
These tits shall not be calmed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
