Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
