She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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