I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
that may or may not have been my penis.
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