i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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