how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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