i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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