I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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