Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ketchup is God's man juice
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Mom said you looked used
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
