I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
