so that wasnt chicken after all
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
