I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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