just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Thank you for not boning my boss.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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