I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
