I wish life had little blips of pornography
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
