Me too!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
