Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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