I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
porn star boner night. come get it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
