Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
