I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
