it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So much Jack, so little girl.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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