It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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