i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
