This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
