textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
