Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
