and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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