take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
