The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
