Christians are straight up FREAKS
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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