New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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